Genecia Alluora is former Miss Singapore and Southeast Asia Woman of Excellence 2010. She is the Founder of Soul Rich Woman, the #1 female entrepreneur network in Southeast Asia that connects more than 200,000 women across the region, with presence in 7 countries including Singapore, Malaysia, the Philippines, Vietnam, and Indonesia.

With a vision to empower 1 million women, Genecia is passionate about helping women to take their businesses from offline to attracting clients ONLINE, get recognition & build a brand as a leader/business owner and make a positive impact in the world. She wants every woman to be able to own the F-word – Being Fabulous, Having Freedom and Financial Independence

From as young as 14 years of age, Genecia had to support herself through school. Through working in a 9-5 job and started many businesses, Genecia had gone through the highs and lows of being a business owner. Her epic journey from being in a six-figure debt to making her first million, fueled her passion to empower women to do the same. Genecia wants women around the world to know that it is possible to have it all – to OWN the F-word!

Profiled in CNBC and China Daily, Genecia is a globally renowned speaker and leading women’s empowerment expert with over a decade of experience speaking on stages worldwide. She has spoken in recent major events, including the RISE Conference in Hong Kong, Success Conference and Expo Asia 2018 in Hanoi, and National Achievers’ Congress in Manila.

Credit https://insporising.com/102-how-to-own-and-love-the-f-word-genecia-alluora/



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TRANSCRIPT
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Thank you for having me on your show, David.

Well, we are talking about being fabulous, having freedom, and financial independence. Above all, family.

I started at a very early age. I started working when I was fourteen years old. My family, financially, we were not sound. My mom pawned gold to send me for instructive courses. I became certified in aerobics, yoga, and country line dancing certification. I was teaching that. I learned about the value of family when I was constantly bullied in school. I wasn’t able to buy new clothes, wasn’t able to buy new bags, and shoes. Constantly my things were hand-me-down. Whereas my friends and schoolmates were like, buy new stuff, the latest.

They all bullied me in school. There was one incident, they threw my bag across the classroom floor and all my books were strewn all across the floor. I felt very humiliated. Then there was another time when I was cornered in the yard, we were having basketball practice and they pulled open my P.E. t-shirt and exposing my bra strap and my bra, really hard. The girl actually mocked me and said, “Oh. You’re wearing the same bra?” Literally, I just felt I wanted to die. I just wanted to commit suicide and things like that.

When I went back home, I almost wanted to do that. My mom was awesome. She counseled me. She guided me. She showed me that the ‘why’ is bigger than the ‘how’. She taught me that if I value family, death will not solve the problem, right? Why do you bother what the cynics or the skeptics say about you? But really focusing on what’s in front of you. From then on, I learned that my mom, my family, my brother, my dad, were a bit wise of the things that I do.

Even now, that I’m running Soul Rich Woman, the premier entrepreneur network here in South East Asia. My ‘why’ is also my mom, because I see her as a leader in a community, inspiring and helping other women. I’m like, “Well okay, I want to do something like a legacy business.” This is why I’ve done Soul Rich Woman since 2015. That’s five years already. It’s going on strong and we want to do more to build the financial independence, which I had at a very young age. I wanted to have freedoms, so that I could spend time with my family, travel with my family.

Last but not least, being fabulous means you’re really confident about what you do, your soul, your purpose. Because to influence other people, you have to be aligned, right? That’s why it’s called Soul Rich Woman. The inner part of you and the outer parts of you, when it’s aligned, the money will come. Money is just a by-product of whatever that we are doing.

Just last year I was there. In fact, it was fun. These days, nobody really dresses up as cowboys any more. There’s more relaxed dressing like jeans and t-shirt, and stuff like that. Yeah, last year. I went back to have fun.

I joined a modeling competition in 2004. Think of it as the Next Top Model. That was like the biggest thing in Singapore. I joined that first. I got into the top twenty out of one thousand candidates.

I’ve never thought of becoming that because I was constantly bullied in school. My self-esteem definitely took a dump. Eventually I got some really good friends who encouraged me to join a beauty pageant and said, “You could just give it a go. Why not have some fun?” I said, “Okay, but I’m not rich.” I don’t have that much money to buy the clothes, get the dresses, and things like that. It was hard. Eventually I joined, and I was not trained. I don’t have money to attend a lot of courses. What I did was, I knocked on doors. I literally went around to knock on doors to look for someone to teach me in public speaking. I was literally knocking on every door and asking for sponsorship. “I could be the future Miss Singapore. I’m not there yet, but hey, maybe invest in me.”

Eventually I met this lady, her name is Rebecca. I remember her very fondly. She’s really, very –how do I say this? Like a mom figure as well, but in the sense she’s very open, very gentle. She said, “Okay, I will sponsor you. So here are all my DVD’s, my notes, and everything you need to do public speaking. How to use your vocals and reach out and express yourself.” I said, “Okay, fine.” Then later on, she asked me for my bag. So I said, “Okay, I’ll pass you my bag.”  Rebecca took my bag, and opened up the bag, and took out my wallet, and opened up my wallet, and poured out every single cent I have in my wallet. My sixty dollars, which is an entire months’ worth of pocket money that I have for my food.

I’m like, “Rebecca, why are you taking my money from my wallet?” She said, “You know what Genecia? Although I’m sponsoring you, it’s never free. I must show you what do I mean by value. Even though you are not rich to pay me, which is thousands and thousands of dollars that’s on the table right now. All the DVD’s, the CD’s, and everything else that you have and you see. I will take something in exchange so you can learn the importance of value.”

At that moment I was struck. Because, “What? You mean take away all my pocket money? And you said value.” I couldn’t understand that at that point but I still accepted it because she was willing to help me, right? Now that I look back, I definitely learned the understanding of value and I applied it in my life constantly. Later on, I went on to join Miss Universe Singapore. I won third place. Then I continued to join one more pageant which was Miss Singapore International, and I won. I represented Singapore twice and the rest is history.

The pageant process taught me how to do teamwork in the shortest time possible. There was nineteen delegates, and you are put together to work together as a group, right? Within two to three weeks, and you need to do the finals. That taught me cultural differences and learn how to live with each other in that sense. Thank God my roommate was Miss Japan. So culturally we’re not that different, but language, definitely there were differences. Secondly, I learned how to present my brand. How do you present a platform? Learn how to consistently make your message consistent.

That one was also something that I picked up during the pageant. Because to shine on the international platform, you really need to know how to present yourself well. Whether it’s image, whether it’s grooming department, to the Ambassadors of the country or the high-level ranking officials, you need to know how to present yourself well. I think that’s the second one.

Of course, last but not least is learning how to put everything together. Knowing at different places you can’ t be everything to everybody but you know how to be that person who you are no matter what happens right in front of you. Be authentic. Learning to grapple with authenticity and being who you are, instead of trying to be somebody. Because there’s always somebody that you always look up to, and you think that you try to be that person. But in the pageant, for me, I learned the power of authenticity. When you’re truly you on stage and off stage, that’s when the magic is going to happen.

I think that goes in two perspectives. One is, when you put on a show on stage, like if you’re modeling and you are just putting on the show, to walk the show that the designer wants, the look and feel. That’s a separate story all together. The context that I’m putting it in for authenticity simply means that the energy, the essence that you’re putting out there. That when you are speaking on stage the message you’re sharing, the platform you’re standing on, how then do you communicate your personality there?

Then when you get offstage, do you completely become a different person? For me, I’m a trained extrovert. I’m basically an introvert. I need to know, how do I unleash the extrovert part of me on stage so that I’m able to communicate with my audience on the stage? It’s all about knowing how to be grounded as a person with a good head on your shoulders. No matter what circumstances or which state you are at, you will definitely shine through. That’s what I meant.

Definitely made a lot of good friends. So many years moving forward, a decade, I still am very good friends with Miss Hong Kong, Miss Japan, Aruba, and basically all the girlfriends around the world are still there. They’ve married and then they’ve moved on as well. I think three are super amazing. For me also other things like being able explore myself as a person, deeper level where it’s beyond just fame and material. But really seeing, how do I want to change my life?

Another very awesome experience was, I was really exposed to the power of inner healing. One of the sponsors sponsored me to go for an inner healing transformation course and that really changed my life. That really helped me saw all the old junk that we have that is holding us back. After I had gone through that for the years moving forward, I have been constantly and consistently working on myself. Through inner healing and transformation, only then then you can transform your life.

I feel that’s the best gift. Of the travel and everything is good, but I feel the biggest gift for me, when I look back now at the age that I am and the space where I’m at with Soul Rich Woman, I’m just like, “Mmm, it’s the inner healing part.” Because if not for that journey, I would not have the depth and breadth to understand and help more women. To help them to bounce back and help them to translate all this negativity into positivity.

Back in 2006, it was unique. Only Tony Robbins, you see T. Harv Eker, big names like that from the U.S.  You don’t really see a lot of Asian or South East Asian really working on those things. It definitely has changed over the years. I was exposed to Money and You, and also Psychology of Vision, and these two programs actually opened up my mind and heart. Now South East Asia is very popular and open to all these spiritual awareness, higher consciousness, and looking at how you can heal to be happier and more money.

Because sometimes money is equal to your inner consciousness as well, right? It’s never just about having more customers and just having a business. It’s about the balance of that spiritual self. I think this is the time where there’s a lot of spiritual awakenings. I will say this entire season a lot of them are growing and seeking above and beyond of just making money and business.

Yeah, that’s right.

I was an image consultant after I finished Miss Singapore. I took on the image consultancy certification, a natural progression for me. Plus I had been training all my life, becoming a trainer and instructor since I was fourteen, so it was a natural progression for me to teach and help other people to look good and be fabulous. It was quite interesting because I started very early. I believe it was because I started very young. So when I was looking at my life I’m like, “I’m not going to be like my mentors, who’re still teaching at that age.”

I mean nothing wrong about teaching at that age, but I would want to not be grounded and tied down by the number of classes I have or the number of participants I have in a workshop. I do not want to be tied and pulled back by that. I want to be able to travel the world, be anywhere at any time, and still be able to run stuff. I decided to stop trading time for money. If I work, I get paid. I work, I get paid. I don’t work, I don’t get paid. I said, “No. I don’t think I want to go through that.”

In my early twenties I decided to work on going online. I invested in quite a number of courses. I spent quite a lot of money doing that. About I will say at least about fifty to hundred K on courses to find out what is online. Eventually I found a mentor who showed me the way. In 2013 I went completely online. In three months I made a hundred thousand. In a year I made one million dollars.

I was doing like selling skin care. I had different businesses. I had multiple ones. I was selling skin care. I was selling gifts. Yeah, stuff like that.

E-Commerce. I was doing E-Commerce. Back then, it was a boom. It was a boom town back then and competition was still okay. You just had to know how to manage it. I think it was really awesome to do that. Then I progressed by sharing my knowledge online. Switching on the webinar, the webcam, and then using webinar software. I was there like “bam”. Every single Wednesday I was sharing my skills and my results with people over the internet. I made my money and I was invited to invest in the cafe retail business. So it kind of progressed from offline to online, and then went offline again while the online was still running.

I started my cafe business with my partners. We have seven outlets in three countries. We had eighteen franchises and licensees in total. It was very amazing, because I was a medical student and never had business experience. So doing all these operational, retail, and marketing PR for a retail chain was out of my mind and out of my zone, but we still did it. After four years we exited this business to a public listed company. It was good. So offline to online, and then online to offline. Then during that time when I was doing my cafe business, I just felt that my soul is empty.

Even though I was good in business, I had the money, I had the fame, I had everything that I had. I just felt, I think God’s calling me but I think I’m not responding yet. That kind of thing. At that moment I knew that I need to do something else, which was why I was online sharing on the webinar. At every Wednesday at 9 PM it was called Webinar Wednesdays, so there was this like jingle to it. It grew.

This group of women started to talk to me and they followed me. My community kind of formed and that’s how Soul Rich Woman was being born while I was moonlighting for my cafe business. I was moonlighting, right? My cafe business was the full-time, and then this community thing was a part-time, side hustle. It grew, it grew. I think it was very timely when we exited to the public listed company. It was really awesome. I just cashed out and I just invest and started Soul Rich Woman.

I would usually say the F-word. Helping women to own and live the F-word. Being fabulous, having freedom, and financial independence, and above all, family. Sometimes I find it very difficult to explain exactly what we do. Because like for women we have so many different aspects of us. We are the healer. We are the giver. We are the creator. We are the initiator. So many parts of us. Of course in a nutshell, we help women to go from offline to online. That’s very technical, right? Helping women to get more clients online, get more recognition, being seen, being heard.

That’s part of the description technically you want to explain to somebody. But the work that we do is beyond that. I can tell you there’s a lot of emotional stuff going on. You have to help women to see and get beyond that. Imagine this, on a racetrack, a guy and a girl. You put them on a racetrack, they’re supposed to run the race. In front of the guy is just a briefcase, a table, their work, their paperwork, and maybe their boss. In front of the lady or the girl will be the kid’s homework, the school, the laundry, the washing machine, the housework, and everything else in front of the lady or the girl. That is difficult, right?

A lot of times before we could get to so-called getting our self from offline to online and seeing that thing, that fabulous, that freedom of financial independence. We have to help them to see self-care. To see that they need to put themselves first. I mean, of course we need to put our family first, right? We love our family so much. But to the point where they no longer exist in the world. Like me and self-care no longer exist in the dictionary. So we have this lady who is a ten-year stay-at-home-mom. She was the chief financial and family officer at home, but she’s done nothing for herself in the last ten years. Nothing.

All she does is household chores, cooking, and taking care of the kids. She’s got three kids. She raised the kids and that’s it. That’s what she do. Take care of the husband, right? Serve the husband and that’s all what she do. One day she decided that she wants to be more fabulous. By having that first awareness, she was able to come to us because she found us online. Go through the programs, the mentorship program for example. In two months she found her fabulous. She was able to start an online business by her own brand, which was a chili paste that she did. She made four figures in just two months.

A ten-year stay-at-home-mom transforms her life, got fabulous, got financial independence. She really don’t need the money. It means that she doesn’t need to make a million dollars. For her, having financial independence is good enough. Doesn’t need to ask husband, if I want to do my hair today, or do my eyelashes today, or do my nails today. “Hey, I don’t need to ask my husband for the money. I can make a decision of my own.” That really transformed the woman’s life. I really believe that what we do here is helping woman to change their life so that their entire community will benefit.

I think it’s not just whether it’s Singapore or not Singapore. I see two groups of women. Women who believe in adding more value and delegating, versus another group of women who just believe that they should do everything because their mothers taught them and their grandmothers taught them how to do so. I give example, my mom, she would expect me to do household chores and she would nag at me. She’d be like, “Hey girl you got to be cleaning up your room, wash the toilet, clean the floor.” And I’m like, “Mom, I think my time is more valuable than that. Why don’t I just get a helper for you, a maid for you? So that this helper can just do the things that you want her to do, while my value of my time, instead of being stuck at home trying to clean the floor like Cinderella, I will just take you out. Let’s go out. Let’s travel. Do stuff together.”

So the value of the time, what do you see of value and your worth? Then outsource and delegate. Even I do that in my business a lot; delegating and outsourcing. Then there’s another group of women who believe in the value. So one group of women who don’t believe in helpers, extra help. The other group of women who believe that they could delegate and outsource. I’ve women in the community who trains a helper to do the stuff. There’s SOP and there’s a process to everything, you know? She could go out and do the things she want to do, while raising three kids who know are in gifted schools. Then another lady in another group of women would be like grumbling, “I’m so busy. I have no time. I have to take care of my kid. I have to do the laundry. It’s so difficult. Life is very hard.”

You hear two camps in the community. I always encourage both sides to interact with each other and share with each other how to have better quality of life. I understand the meaning of quality of life. I always tell them, “Girls, when you’re in the community, help one another. Share with each other your experiences. Help each other open up and transform each other’s mindset.” If you don’t change your mindset. The thing about society, the mom, the grandmothers who taught us that women must be this, must be that. Hey, that should already be broken or starting to change. We have been in Soul Rich Woman doing this for the last five years. We really believe in alone we are strong and together we are unstoppable.

Right now, we are at two hundred thousand and we would like to have a million members.

It’s really very interesting. There are a couple of ways that they join. Usually there is a pattern to join Soul Rich Woman. Because we are ultimately an online platform, we only hold three events a year. But we are in South East Asia by working with partners and everything. Most of them would have joined by watching a webinar, or a Facebook Live, or listen to our podcasts. So they’ll be somewhere swimming online and then they would come through the funnels and join Soul Rich Woman.

Our membership is twelve dollars a month. This is the price number, after five years we have charged different pricing and adjusted different pricing, and eventually we decided it’s twelve dollars a month. I find that the women in South East Asia, the earnings that they are making is so different from what most of us are making. In Vietnam, a lot of them are making three hundred USD a month. In the Philippines, depending where you’re at, in Manila it can go up to five, six hundred USD a month. For Malaysia, different countries have different salary, so there’s a gap.

If you were to charge a hundred dollars USD a month membership versus a twelve dollar a month membership, and of course you must see what kind of value you give. That’s when they will be able to join. For mine, it’s only twelve dollars and two hundred thousand members. In the membership, what we do, we provide is to solve one problem every single month. We only provide two videos. Two master classes with office hours. Yeah, and women just sign up. Regardless of you pay gap, or pay that you are receiving, you can afford twelve dollars, right? That’s my logic and it worked.

It has worked so amazing. It blew our minds like, “Wow@” People are just signing up, because first of all, it’s affordable and it allows women to have accessibility. Of course, women who want to scale their business, who want to do more for their business or transform their business and life more and at a different level, then they will sign up for the two-day workshop or the digital products. Or they would do a mentorship program, or the Mastermind programs. There is different levels that we are looking at like the value ladder.

This part of the strategy is to really get seen and be known to an audience that I’ve not touched with. I think after building South East Asia, there is a network here for your listeners, who are listening right now, that’s you. To know that if you were to travel to South East Asia, there is a network you can tap on. That’s what I want to do, to let people know on the other side of the world, that such a network exists. And it’s really huge and amazing. If you were to ever come to South East Asia, connect with us.

I always fall back on our Soul Rich Woman blueprint, which is a magic wand. I talk about the metaphor of Cinderella and how the fairy godmother holds the magic wand and “bing”, but you must come back by twelve midnight, right? So Cinderella eventually became who she was again after coming back from the ball. As a fairy godmother, you’re holding the magic wand. The power is in your own hands. No matter what, where, or who you are, a man is not a financial plan. Number two, you can be the fairy godmother. You don’t have to wait for a fairy godmother.

The wand is a star, made up of a star, made out of the glow, and the stick is what we call the magic funnels. So the women of influence, and then the glow, and then that stick itself. When you are a stay-at-home-mom and you want to start a business, I will say to not even think about starting the online business first, but first by looking at the star. Think about it, on social media, and everywhere else now, you can have the best funnel in the world and I can build a funnel in ten minutes. But if you are not a star, a glow, having a glow of sorts, nobody will ever notice you.

First step is to build up your star. What is a star? A star means, what kind of influence? What are you talking about on social media? Even before they click the link to say, “Join Now to my free 10-day workshop,” or ” Free one-day webinar,” or whatever the case may be. If the image is not capturing attention, the words you use are not capturing attention, people will not even notice you. Step number one is always work on your star. Find somebody to extract that out from you. Find a coach, find a mentor, or sign up for David’s program, to Launch Your Life online.

Really look at it. Then look at how that works for you by building this part of the brand. Then go to the next step. A lot of mistakes that women make is they create the best website, the best social media, the best funnel, but it’s the technical stuff. People resonate with your story. A lot of the women resonate with my story, and that’s why they joined Soul Rich Woman. I was working at a very young age, and the group of women who join us also have suffered to a certain extent before they join us.

I had been in debt before. I was bankrupt. All these things to a woman is like devastating. There’s no way out. Your psychology gets stuck and you can’t even go places. When you are able to let your audience resonate with you, like doing a podcast, writing a blog, doing a Facebook Live, whatever that may be easiest for you, get started. Get there so that your star is shining, your voice is heard. That is when you can eventually start an online business. That’s when your audience is ready to buy from you. A group of raving fans, whatever that you offer they purchase from you.

I would describe my star in three words. I will say my star is fabulous. I have the fabulous part of my story. I have that freedom part of my story. And I have my financial independence part of the story. And above all, family. I put all these as part of my star, so that the women can resonate and relate.

Definitely, a man is part of my plan. We are not feminists, you know. I really believe in a balanced viewpoint. My partner has invested in my business. He’s now become my partner, before that he was my mentor. To me, having a man in the business to help the balance of viewpoint. In fact, we’re about to launch the men’s side, which is Soul Rich Man. So Soul Rich Woman and Soul Rich Man. It’s all about having that balance viewpoint, and that truly I believe in. Because when women come to the community, they do have sometimes husband issues or relationship issues. By having a strong support group of both men and women, like each other’s success stories and what they’ve gone through, really help one another.

Yes, we have members not from South East Asia joining us at twelve a month, so you can join us. In fact, I have two gifts for you, who is tuning in right now. You should go and check out my Seven Secrets of Personal Branding. Go and download that. That really will help you. That’s the book that I wrote. The other one is How to Delegate 80% of Your To-Do List to Your Assistant, so you can be in your zone of genius and make more money.

Go to my website SoulRichWoman.com. Please connect with me at Genecia Alluora on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Instagram. I will love to hear your views on today’s episode.

Well, there are guys in Soul Rich Woman if you do the twelve dollars a month membership. Generally, if there are events, usually it’s women only. Unless we’re partnered with companies, like we partnered with a media company and we opened up the event to both men and women because we’re talking about getting leads and how you generate leads online. But when we talk about women empowerment stuff, where women feel safe, that’s when it’s an all-woman event

You can wear a skirt if you want to.

Thank you.

I realized it wasn’t working. I think when we get to that place where we’re trying to start setting boundaries with people or we’re trying to be respected, we think that we have to act a certain way, but honestly, you can act however you are. Just show up as yourself and set boundaries. So if you are sort of like me, you can still be a boundaried person, you can still give tough love.

You ask some people and they’re like, “Oh wow, we don’t overstep with her.” You can still be respected.

By being this way. You don’t have to be hardcore.

Not at all. No, no, no, not at all.

It’s so funny you said that because there’s a whole story behind the cover. I haven’t really shared it yet. If you want, I can share it with you how we got this picture.

So the morning that we were about to go and have this cover shoot, I had a photographer flying in from Dallas. I’m so excited. I’m in my head.

She’s so good at book covers. She’s done so many book covers that I just had to have her.

Yeah, I was just in my head, “How am I going to make this the best cover? How am I going to look the best?” This and that. I didn’t like my hair. Long story short, I actually went and grabbed kitchen shears and cut my hair.

Yes. Yes. I had just gotten a haircut. It was one of those quick ones from those walk-in places because I didn’t have enough time to see my regular girl, and it just was not what I wanted. So I YouTubed how to cut your own hair, did it. It looks fine on the cover. It doesn’t look horrible.

My little ones were sick. They were up the whole night before. It was just one of those days where you’re just like, “I don’t even want to do this. I feel like a mess, life’s a disaster.” Went to this cover shoot. Again, I think often we get so caught up in our heads about me, me, me. What are people going to think? What are they going to think about the cover? How are they going to perceive me? This or that. I got caught in my head that morning.

Then there was a moment during the shoot, and she was snapping me, taking these pictures. There’s a million of these pictures. I just said, “I just want to pause for a second because I need to get out of my head.” I just started to think about — it clicked. “This book is not about me. Why am I making this about me? This is ridiculous. I’m being so silly right now. This book is about all these women who need to hear what’s inside of this.”

“So why am I making this cover pictures about me?” There was this beautiful song on the background the photographer had on, I just started to get teary. I’m not really a crier at all. I rarely cry. I started to get teary. She was like, “Stay like that. Just stay like that,” and she just snapped the pictures. I’m like, “That’s going to be the picture.” So I’m actually on the verge of tears in this picture.

So it’s so funny because it looks like a boss kind of face, but it’s actually me just in a breakdown moment, going through a breakthrough. Just reminding myself, this is not about me. I knew because I saw the whole series of pictures and I’m like, “That’s the one. It’s right there.”

Yeah.

Probably my favorite is the lie about not having enough time.

Yes, because we all have the same hours in the day. Right? I think that us saying there’s not enough time, it’s really just an excuse for either, I’m scared or maybe I don’t want whatever I’m saying I don’t have enough time for. It’s about us replacing that lie of, I don’t have enough time with, I actually have more than enough time for the things that are priorities in my life, the people that are priorities in my life. I just have to figure out how to set boundaries and how to get to those places, or get these things that I’m looking for.

Again, I think that for many women, it ties into the lie of, I can’t be a good business owner and a good mom, like I think a lot of us tell ourselves. I can’t have a business and be a mom because I don’t have the time. I think we find all of these little excuses rather than just move ahead. I think it’s just, how can you stop today and evaluate your schedule, evaluate all of the priorities, and all of the commitments in your life, and just start to live your life doing what you want to do?

Not doing what you think you should do, or what you need to do, or what you have to do, and just starting asking yourself, what do I actually want? Because that’s the only way to get where you want to go, is to know what it is that you want. Now that I know what I want, how can I set the boundaries to get there? Because I think in order to get there, we have to set boundaries. We have to cut things out.

I think sometimes it could be something as easy as letting someone pick your brain or saying no to a relationship that maybe isn’t serving you anymore. Maybe it’s very one-sided, maybe it’s toxic, maybe it’s saying no to something as little as Netflix. My dream is very big and I want to get there, I need to say no to some of these habits or behaviors that I have that aren’t serving me anymore. Setting boundaries like saying no to driving someone to airport if maybe you don’t need to.

I think sometimes it’s hard for us to say no right away to things, so what I always like to say is, just say, “Hey, let me go check my calendar,” or “Let me get back to you.” I think we live in this day and age with Instagram DM’s and Facebook PM’s that we feel like we have to get back to people right away. We feel like we have to rush. There is no rush. We don’t owe anyone anything. It’s okay to say, “I’ll get back to you tomorrow,” or “I’ll get back to you in a few days.”

I think that when we do that, it gives the other person the expectation of, “Oh, maybe I need to look for backup.” Or, “Maybe this is not going to work out and that’s fine, so I’m going to find these other avenues to take.” So I think just starting there, sometimes just saying no or saying let me get back to you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think we allow other people’s behavior, right? So we can put a line down in the sand and say, “No you’re not crossing this.” I think often we almost play the victim of, “These people are overstepping my boundaries.” But it’s like, no, you’re actually overstepping your own boundaries, like you’re replying back right away, you’re not saying no to their request. So I think that we need to sometimes pause ourselves. I think it’s hard.

I think it’s almost harder at times to set a boundary with ourselves than with other people. I think for some people it’s just as simple as penciling things into your calendar. Like, “I’m going to take a lunch break.” Or, “I’m going to take a little bit of self-care time.” Rather than letting your schedule just overflow with these commitments, or these things that maybe really aren’t serving you or aren’t moving the needle in your life or your business.

I think another thing is that sometimes we have to say no to things that we actively want to do, because maybe they’re not the best opportunity for us right now. Or maybe we want to do it because we want to say yes out of scarcity. If I don’t say yes to this, I might miss out on this opportunity. Or if I don’t say yes to this, I may never get this opportunity again. I think if that’s your mindset, I think that you need to again, always step back and get quiet.

That’s the answer for everything. Step back, get quiet, and say, “What is it that I really want? How is this really serving me right now? Is this something that, yes, it’s a great opportunity, but maybe it’s not what I need in this moment.” I think that saying no to even great things will open up space for even better things to come in, and those opportunities may arise again in the future.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I have more than enough time for my priorities, for the people that I care about, for the things that I want most in life. There’s always enough time. Always enough time.

The hardest chapter for me to write was the motherhood chapter, chapter seven.

Fifteen months and two and a half.

Both girls. Charlie and Annabelle, yeah.

I always loved the name Charlie. Her real name is Charlotte, but I said I want a daughter named Charlie. Annabelle’s the first, you know how you just feel like a name is right or wrong for the baby? “I love this name. I love it, but maybe it’s not the right time,” like we just talked about. “I always loved the name Charlie, but I just felt like I don’t think this is the name for her. I’d like Annabelle for her, so we’re going to go with Annabelle.” Then for the second one I’m like, “She’s Charlie. She’s definitely my Charlie.”

Oh, he loved the name too.

Yeah. No, no.

Yeah, so I was in a place where we didn’t have kids yet. We had a dog and I remember my husband saying to me, “Kate, all you do is talk about not having enough time. You don’t have enough time to bring him to training.” We both did our fair share of training him. “You don’t have enough time to play with him. How are you ever going to –,” and he said this out of complete love too. I just want the preface with that, he said it out of complete love. “How are you ever going to have enough time to have kids if we want to have a family some day?”

That got me thinking, “All right, I don’t actually know if I want to have a family someday. I’m not sure if that is something that I’m still going to want to do, because I really love my business.” I was in a place where it was probably an unhealthy place. I really love to work and I love the work that I do. Our pregnancy was a surprise and it was exactly what I needed. It was a gift that was handed to me. Because I really think that if I had not become a mother, I probably would not be where I am right now. My relationship with my husband probably would have gone in a different direction. I would have been a workaholic. I wouldn’t have been in a good mind space. I would not have written this book. So I think it was just such a gift.

It was something that I really had to work though. At first I felt like, “Okay, I can handle this. I think that my baby will probably take a nap, will probably sleep. I can work during those hours.” Of course, we had the baby that never napped and didn’t take a bottle, so we couldn’t even get her into daycare because she wasn’t on a bottle. I was in such a low place, just believing that I lost my businesses. That this was over and I’d have to go back to maybe a nine to five in the future. That’s actually how the book was born. I was just was in my head, just feeling like I lost everything, even though I had this beautiful baby in my arms. I just started to write my feelings down on paper. Little by little, it ended up turning into this book. Everything in this book started with that motherhood chapter.

What I realized is that number one, moms and dads are superheroes. They can get anything done. Give something to them and they will get it done, even if they’re busy. Because they’re typically very good at boundaries. Everything that I do in life and business now, this is something that I like to ask myself is, “Do I really want to do this?” Because me going and letting someone pick my brain for an hour, that’s an hour that I’m away from my kids and away from my family. Is it really worth it? Is it really going to make that much of an impact? Am I making more of an impact on that person? Or on my family? Is there a way that I can make a bigger impact in a middle ground?

So now it’s like, “All right, maybe I can do a whole meet up and invite lots of women over for coffee.” That’s what I do actually quarterly at my house. Or can I sit down a write a blog? Can I ask that person, “Hey, what were your questions? I’m really interested to hear. I really want to help you but I think that these questions can be answered to a lot more people. I think a lot of people can get value from this, so I’m going to write a blog post about it instead.” And sit down, and maybe that forty-five minutes of writing the blog post will make such a big impact on many people.

I’ve learned to just become very good at simplifying too and just making things easy. That’s my motto. Just make it easy. Make it easy. Sometimes it just drives people crazy. Because they’re like, “Yeah, but this would be great.” I’m like, “No, just make it easy. Don’t make it hard on yourself. Just make it easy.”

Yeah.

It feels great. Yeah, it feels great. I will say there are days where I do at times still feel like I’m failing at both, but I remind myself this is just a feeling right now, this will pass, and here’s the evidence. This is why I’m a good mom, and this is why I am good at my business, and this is how my business is succeeding. I think that with every new up-level in life and business, there’s always going to be a breakdown before the breakthrough.

You’re going to be challenged and pushed in a different way and I think that’s just growth. I think that in every new opportunity, it’s going to feel scary or you’re not going to feel equipped. Reminding yourself and showing yourself that past evidence of how you were in the past and how you can get through it again.

Oh, I love that question. I would have saved myself a lot of money.

Just things that, again, I thought I had to have, or needed to have, or should have, like investing in copywriters too early on in my business. Investing in really nice branding too early on in my business. I say, if you’re going to start a business, just get it started. Don’t make everything perfect. Save your money for a little bit later. Once you feel like you have your target audience, you’re bringing income into your business, you really feel secure and confident, then start to invest in that stuff.

Just do it scrappy in the beginning, piece it together. Everyone has to start somewhere. There is some quote out there. I can’t remember it, I’m going to botch it. But it’s like, if you’re not embarrassed by your early beginnings, you started way too late. Yeah, it would have saved me a lot of money. I just wish this book was around back then, it would have saved me.

Here’s the other thing too, it would have made things easier, but I think sometimes we have to learn on our own. I think we have to learn through our — I don’t like to call it mistakes, but I think we need to trip and fall a little bit. I think we are ready to receive messages at different times, so this book may have been presented to me back then and I would have thought, “Oh, I don’t need this right now. I’ve got it all together.” But today if this book would have been given to me, I would have said, “Oh, I need this today.”

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. This is a great conversation.

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