Denise Duffield Thomas:

[00:00:00]
Genecia Alluora: So Denise, what is to you a Soul Rich Woman?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Every area of your life be as beautiful and as juicy and as satisfying as possible. And not just having one thing come out here and you're successful in one area, but having a holistic life where you have richness in all areas of your life.

[00:00:00]
Genecia Alluora: A strong and independent woman is something to behold. She pays her own bills, buys her own things, and she doesn't let a man affect her stability or self-confidence. She is a Soul Rich Woman. Are you ready to be rich, doing what you love? Be on purpose and in control of your life again. And For Women Who Love the F-word Podcast, we will be openly talking about getting more clients online, getting recognition as the leader and female entrepreneur, and also the F word. Being fabulous, having freedom and financial independence. It's time to own and love the F word. Welcome to the show.

[00:01:08]
Genecia Alluora: On today's episode, we are talking about the woman of influence, and we have a really special guest with us today, all the way from Australia. Her name is Denise Duffield-Thomas, and she is a money mindset mentor for the new wave of online female entrepreneurs. Her best-selling books, Lucky Bitch, and Get Rich Lucky Bitch give a fresh and study work map to create a outrageously successful life and business. Denise helps woman to release their fear of money, set a premium prices for their serves and take control over their finances life. Denise is an award winning speaker, author and entrepreneur who helps woman transform their economy class money mindset into a first class life. So welcome, Denise.

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Thank you so much for having me. It's wonderful to be here. And I love the name of your company. And I love the fact that we can talk about money and influence and power for women.

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Genecia Alluora: That's awesome. So Denise, when do you first know the power of influence?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: I actually started reading books about influence when I was quite young. I remember reading How to Win Friends and Influence People when I was a teenager. I think I was about 14 when I started reading that book. And I realized that you could learn how to influence people. You could learn how to be more charismatic and you could learn how to be a leader as well. So I think I was in my teens when I read that.

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Genecia Alluora: And to you, how do you discover when you're a teen, how do you know that that was influence?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Well, for me, I was always a big reader and I loved reading books. And so I think as a teenager, I didn't feel very powerful. I didn't feel like I could influence people except through being bossy. And a lot of women, I think of our generation, if we were natural leaders as children, we were told we were bossy. And I didn't know there was any other way. I just thought, OK, so you told people what to do. And then I didn't get a good reaction back from that. To be honest, I got called bossy a lot as a kid or my mom, would even say things like, you can't always have it your way.

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Denise Duffield Thomas: You know, you can't have it your way all the time. And what I learned from reading that book and then then reading other leadership books is that you could persuade people, you could influence people to behave in the way that actually you wanted them to behave. But that would feel really good for them as well. And that's when I got the concept of being a leader and of leadership rather than of being a bossy bitch.

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Genecia Alluora: That's a good one. What were some of the common myths that women have about the power to influence that you have come across?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: So one thing that I find a lot of women are scared about, they're actually scared of their own innate ability to be a leader and to influence others because they're worried that it's kind of a bit manipulative and they worry that they might use that power for not so good things rather than good things. Now, most of the time, that's completely unfounded because a lot of women, you know, want to influence people so they can help them transform their lives. They want to influence people so they can encourage them to do something good for themselves. But I think that's the misconception that people think or worry that if they really enhance that power in themselves, they would be being manipulative.

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Genecia Alluora: And what's the most typical reason why people fail at becoming influential?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: So I think some people fail because they've got a mindset issue around what that would mean or they think they have to be in a certain way to be influential. Now, I talk about a lot about being an introvert. So I don't like being the center of attention necessarily. I don't like being around a ton of people. I need a lot of alone time. So some people think that it's incongruous with also having a big business. So a lot of people think that if you want a big business, you have to be in the spotlight all the time. You have to like being on stage, being the center of attention, being famous. And that, I think, has a negative connotation to some people who think that that's the only way.

[00:05:39]
Denise Duffield Thomas: Whereas there's also this concept of quiet power, of being influential, but not necessarily being famous or flashy around it. And I think some people also worry that being influential is not the only way to be influential. And I think that's also a little bit narcissistic, that it's about just wanting to be the center of attention. And it's really, really not. You can be quiet and influential. You can be loud and influential, but you have to choose what works for you and what's authentic for you.

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Genecia Alluora: I like the part that you said that being an introvert and having a big business don't really go hand in hand. And people have the misconception about, you know, you must be in the spotlight. I love that. Could you share a little bit about your journey around that? Really, what took you from that awareness? I mean, before and after?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: It took me a long time to realize that I was an introvert because I liked some of the leadership things. I liked talking on stage sometimes. I liked working with people sometimes. But I couldn't work out why it felt like a bit of a mismatch for me. And it was because I was trying to model my business on other people's businesses. So I looked at the success that they had and thought, well, she talks on. All the time. Maybe I need to do that as well. Or she does this or she does that. And what I realized that I had to create a business that worked for my personality. So for me, it meant that I stopped doing one-to-one work because it just didn't work for my personality. Now, that's not to say that everyone has to get rid of one-to-one work and only do group work because you might need more interaction.

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Denise Duffield Thomas: One of my best friends in business is an extrovert. She created a business mastermind when I get together and run retreats. She speaks to them on the phone every single day. They all have her phone number. For me, as an introvert, I can't think of anything worse than people having my phone number and calling me on the phone or texting me all day long. So that's been my journey of constantly asking myself, this is what everyone should do. What feels good in my business at the moment? How can I do more of that? What doesn't feel so good in my business? How can I do less of this? And that's what I think everyone needs to do. When you do that, then you feel more in your power and then you can run your business in a way that really serves you and actually then serves your clients more as well.

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Genecia Alluora: I love that. When you said about what feels good, you need to compare what feels good and what doesn't feel good for you and make a comparison so that you can move yourself forward. But what are some of the specific obstacles to gaining influence? I mean, even though we may know what feels good and what is not, what is the obstacles?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: So, I think as I touched on before, one of the biggest obstacles is mindset, thinking that you have to be a certain way for you to be influential. The second one that I touched on as well is thinking that being influential somehow means tricking people or manipulating people. And then I think the third one is really just not being honest to who you really are and what you would like and being honest about that and being okay with that. So maybe you want to make more money. Maybe you want to have a book that's read by millions of people. You can't not blame yourself, but you can't make that bad either. The fact that you do want to help a lot of people and maybe you do want to be a little bit famous, that's okay as well. You have to be honest about what you really want and not blame yourself for it or not think that it's a bad thing to want to be influential.

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Genecia Alluora: I love that. And what do you think women should be doing more in terms of maximizing their influence? So they have discovered their mindset. They've discovered that, okay, what feels good and what doesn't feel good about their potential. So what do you think they should do more to maximize that?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Yes. I think for women, we have such a big calling at the moment to step up and be leaders. We have seen that there aren't very many women in politics. There aren't a lot of women at the top of businesses. And we've gotten this far with men really leading the planet in lots of ways. So I think for women, we've got to realize that some of the problems that we have as a planet at the moment, some of them can only be solved by us stepping up and us bringing our voices to some of those problems because it's not going to change otherwise. It's going to be business as usual for a long, long time. And I think there is a massive opportunity for women to have their own businesses, to make our own money, to empower other women, hire other women, inspire other women to do the same. That's what this world needs at the moment to make some of the shifts that we need to make in the world, to shape it in ways that would benefit a lot more people.

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Genecia Alluora: Wow. I love this. And instead of being independent, making our own money, how do you measure influence? What is the bottom line for you?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Well, I just want to touch on what it might have meant in the past. So you can see in our world at the moment, influence to some people means power. And I think that's a big calling for us. It means being the top, means being the winner, making the most money and beating everyone else. It's a kind of a zero sum game where not the whole planet thrives. I think for women, we can translate this a little bit to be, we use our power for good so that everyone thrives, not just a few people. And it's not about beating other people. And maybe that's why women sometimes shy away from this feeling of wanting to be influential, because we feel like only one person can do it at the top, whereas we want to flatten this out and make it so that a lot more people thrive, which is what we're good at as women anyway.

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Genecia Alluora: Wow. And do you, do you, have you ever dissociated yourself from someone who didn't match with your idea of influence? Because so like we say, girls like women and power, right? One woman can make a difference and together we can rock the world. So did you ever dissociate yourself who didn't really, you know, align with you, this little cat fight maybe?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: No, you know what I haven't, I've been very lucky in business. You know, I have had circumstances where I realized that my, the people I was serving in my business weren't necessarily my target audience. So in that, in a few of those cases, I had to let go of some clients, you know, I kind of fired them, but I really basically said, I don't think we're a good match. You know, and I've said that to clients, I've said that to employees as well, but I try and live my life without drama. So there's never been a moment that it's been super stressful, but it's just more like, you know what? We're not a good fit anymore. That's okay. Let, let's release each other and not work with each other anymore.

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Genecia Alluora: So when you do that, do you think that there are any downsides to being influential? Why or why not?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Not so much downsides, but I think when you are influential, if you have a following, you do have to be careful about what you say. And I, I sometimes find myself censoring myself a little bit because I think, you know, a lot of people are going to see this. So sometimes the downside for me is that I don't want to be political or I don't want to be too controversial, not because I'm worried about necessarily losing my audience, but you know, I'm human as well. And I, I often think, oh, do I, I don't want to rock the boat or make people think badly of me. You know, in the last American election, for example, I did make a few comments. There was a few things that I made a comment on and some people were like, well, who are you to make this? Like, you know, who are you to weigh in on politics or you shouldn't talk about politics.

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Denise Duffield Thomas: So I think sometimes you, as a, maybe a downside or as a consequence of being more influential, you do have to consider your words a little bit more. And, you know, I, I am mindful of that for sure. The other thing is around your own personal safety. You know, influence for us now, for our, you know, our generation means being quite visible, you know, on social media. And we have to protect our families as well. We have to make sure that our children are protected. And I do little things like I won't put geo tagging on my Instagram photos. I often don't say exactly where I am right at this moment. You know, I might post a couple of days later. So I think that is something that not, that's a downside, but it's something that we have to be aware of. We have to be very mindful of our own personal safety as well, as we become more influential and more visible.

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Genecia Alluora: Wow. I love this about personal safety because we were just discussing this the other day when we talk about posting on social media, you know, please don't tag me and tell people exactly where I am at that moment in time. I don't want people to know, but it's more for personal safety and you are really very right. Really awesome on that. And for you, I mean, Denise, I want to hear your story a little bit more like personal hurdles. I mean, what do you personally face on your road to gaining more influence when you grew your business into a million dollar business, you know, where you have one kid now, maybe two, and you moved a house, you know? So I think you're awesome. So share a little bit more about that.

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Well, I think probably my biggest obstacle at the start of my journey was I grew up in a single parent family. My parents divorced when I was very young and my mom raised me and my brother, with very little money and, you know, I don't think I was really expected to go to university or have a business or anything like that. And so that brought up a lot of feelings of inadequacy for me. When I was thinking about starting a business was I just felt like I wasn't good enough or my background wasn't right, or I didn't have the right education or I didn't have the right look or the right surname. Or whatever it was. So I think for a lot of people, this, the obstacles are internal, you know, and for me, it definitely was a mindset issue that I wasn't good enough because I didn't come from the right background.

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Which is really silly because obviously the new rules of business now are that anyone can be self-made and you can create anything, you know, from your background. But that was a it felt like a big hurdle for me. And then, I think having kids was an, was a big one for me. I actually really questioned myself if I even wanted to have children because I loved my business so much. And I had a massive big fear that if I had kids, then I would have to give up my business that I loved so much, or I'd have to choose between one or two of those. And that was, that was really hard to decide on that. And then I would say something that I struggle with still now is I still have to work on my mindset all the time.

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Denise Duffield Thomas: I have to work on my confidence all the time. So it's a constant work in progress. Because mindset issues are really the only thing that holds most entrepreneurs back. The strategy, we've all have enough strategies. We all can figure out how to do the practicalities of business, but it's the fear and the mindset that we have to work on all the time.

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Genecia Alluora: I love that. I love that. And tell me something about influence that few people ever realized.

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Denise Duffield Thomas: That anybody can be influential. It doesn't matter about where you were born, how you were raised, what accent you have, how you look. It really comes from inside and it comes from a decision that you are worthy of being an influential woman too.

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Genecia Alluora: Wow. Why is it important to have influence given today's climate?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Oh, great question. That's a really good question. Okay. My, the honest answer for me is because there are a lot of influential people in the world. Who don't care about doing good things in the world. There are a lot of influential people who are greedy, who don't care about the environment, who don't care about helping other people. And so there is a massive gap and it's not like we have to fight those people, but we have to almost crowd out the negativity and ordinary people, women like us, we have to embrace that leadership calling because otherwise we can't complain who aren't doing good things in the world, we have to stand up and be counted and use our influence for good.

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Genecia Alluora: I love that. And for you, when you were going through your journey, what are the specific steps to make you the influential person that you are today? Share some tips and strategies.

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Sure. So, you know, that book that I read when I was in my teens, that very famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. The biggest thing I learned from that book is that people really just want to feel good. People want to be made to feel like you care. And for me, that was such a driving force for my business. It's like, it's not about me. It's about how I can make my customers feel. I want them to feel empowered about money. I don't care about bragging about money for money's sake, because I just want to normalize the conversation and make other women feel okay about talking about money too. So that's the biggest thing. The biggest tip for me is you, you always have to think what's in it for those people how can I make them feel.

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Genecia Alluora: And when you were, you know, when you were influencing and mentoring so many women through your programs, what were some of the biggest challenges that you faced? I mean, yes, we all go through causes, we take the learning, but do you still find people who are still not changed or they're not willing to change?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Of course, you know, it has to really come from deep within. And I think my biggest challenge was stressing about that, like thinking, oh, I want to, I want to change their life so much. But then I realized people have to want it more than you want it for them. And they have to want it for themselves. You can't, you know, that saying you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. That's, that's so true in this, right? You can influence people and you can give them the tools, but they have to want it themselves. They have to want it more than you want it for them.

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Genecia Alluora: I really agree with that. And for you, what is your proudest accomplishment in terms of your influence?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Oh, that's a really great question. Proudest. I don't think there's one particular one, but something happened today that I was really proud of. In one of my courses,
a woman was saying about how she grew up in a really bad situation. When she was younger, her parents were drug addicts, they were violent. And she's just being able to break the cycle,
all of that. And even though, you know, I'm not the only person who has ever influenced her in her life. I like to think even just making a tiny difference in how she sees herself, how she
allows herself to make money, things like that, helping people break the cycle and do something different makes me so proud, not just of myself, but of the community that I've created to help women have that support.

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Genecia Alluora: Wow. Wow. Were there any embarrassing moments for you? Like, were there bloopers? Because we always talk about before we were all masters, we're all masters of disasters. Were there any bloopers along the way?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: Yeah, I made mistakes all the time, all the time. So in my first years of business, you know, it might have been, I remember sending out newsletters with spelling mistakes or the wrong links in them. And, you know, everyone goes through that, but I can tell you one that happened like two weeks ago. Yes. So, I mean, all the time, but I was on a webinar and I was like, I'm going to do this. And I was like, I'm going to do this. And I was like, and I did, I clicked the button to share my screen. And so I thought every person was just seeing my slides and they weren't, they were actually seeing me as well. And so during the webinar, I had, I had my notes and I had my notes here and I was like reading from them like this. And I was like, you know, just going like this and like making myself comfortable because I didn't think anyone could see me. I thought they could only see my slides.

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Denise Duffield Thomas: And I couldn't see any of the comments either. So some people were saying, Denise, you're on camera. And I didn't see it until afterwards. And so that was, that was embarrassing, but I think what's different now, when you start your business, everything that you do, that's a mistake. You feel like so many people are watching and you feel so embarrassed and shameful about it. When you get a little bit further on in business, you realize, wow, mistakes happen. I think you feel a little bit more compassion for yourself and you just think, you know what, that's okay. I made a mistake. I showed that I'm human. It's no big deal. And most of the time it isn't a big deal.

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Genecia Alluora: Wow. Are there some books that you're reading right now to further enhance your mindset? I know you work with a kinesiologist.

[00:23:00]
Denise Duffield Thomas: Yes. A book that I'm reading at the moment, it's called Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children. Yes. Because I have young children. I find it very hard to be patient. I find it very hard to be Zen. And I'm, so I'm trying to learn surrender, trying to surrender. And it's tricky for me. So it's a great book, but I'm also struggling with the concept.

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Genecia Alluora: Wow. Are there some mentors of yours who, you know, you are looking up to? Is there a month of mine?

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Denise Duffield Thomas: So one of my mentors is Marie Folio, who I know you know as well. She has an amazing business, but also what I love about her business, it's a very simple business that runs once a year, which is pretty simple, right? It's pretty, pretty clean. And so every time I think, oh, maybe I'll just start a new business. I think until I have as many people in her program as I do in mine, I can't, I can't try something different. I have to keep on going. So she's a, she's a great, she's not a personal mentor of mine because she doesn't coach me, but I always watch what she does and I learn from it. And then I ask myself, you know, what would Marie do in this situation?

[00:24:14]
Genecia Alluora: Earlier on, Denise, you mentioned about, you know, until you get the number of people in to your program. You will still want to do something, go, go straight through rather than just jumping around. There's this syndrome called the shiny object syndrome. Have you come across this many times around you?

[00:24:33]
Denise Duffield Thomas: Yes. I mean, in the early stages of my business, I was trying to do everything. And if you looked at my website back then, I didn't just talk about money and marketing. I talked about find your soulmate, get a pay rise at your corporate job. Get fit healthy. So I kind of looked at everything that would be important to a woman, a modern woman. And I tried to be everything for that woman. And you know, I did definitely did it in the early years. I did different books and different programs. What has really helped me is to focus, to focus my topic, you know, and just to focus on money and business.

[00:25:14]
Denise Duffield Thomas: That's it for women in business, not women in corporate worlds necessarily, even though I do have people in that, in that world not people helping people find their soulmate or get healthy or whatever. It's just, I can help you with one thing and I'll do it well. And I'll, unfortunately you'll have to go to someone else for everything else. And that's the problem for women. We try and be everything to everyone and we can't.

[00:25:38]
Genecia Alluora: And how do you shift that mindset from being everything to just focus on one thing?

[00:25:43]
Denise Duffield Thomas: Well, I tell myself that I am enough, you know, it's like, it's okay. It's enough. I think a big part of my identity when I was younger was being the go-to girl for everything, you know, and I wanted to solve every problem. I never wanted to tell people, no, I don't know that because I didn't want to admit that I didn't know it. So that's why I was, I was encouraging people to ask me about anything. And now it's my ego can handle saying, you know what? That's not my zone of genius. You know what? I'm not so good at that. Maybe you need to find someone else without the need for feeling like I have to solve the problem.

[00:26:21]
Genecia Alluora: Wow. That will hit many hearts. Yeah. So Denise, what is to you a soul rich woman?

[00:26:32]
Denise Duffield Thomas: Oh, I love the word richness because even though in most societies, it means wealth. I think for women, richness means something more than wealth. I think it means having every area of your life be as beautiful and as juicy and as satisfying as possible. And not just having like one thing come out here and you're successful in one area, but having a holistic life where you have a richness in all areas of your life.

[00:26:58]
Genecia Alluora: Wow. Awesome. Super awesome.

[00:27:02]
Denise Duffield Thomas: Okay. So how can my audience reach out to you? So my website is luckybitch.com and you can also find me on Instagram. My handle is Denise DT, and I would love to hear any ahas that you had from this interview.

[00:27:18]
Genecia Alluora: Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so honored that we are connected and I hope that I can continue to serve you as you build your dreams. And if you love this episode, and I hope that you did, please share it with your friends and family. This has been a Rated Five star show. Give us that glowing review because it will helping more women around the world finding the Soul Rich Woman podcast. Alone you are strong, together we are unstoppable. Now share this with every woman who needs it because this is how we are changing the world one woman at a time. As always, get out of your comfort zone and go towards the dreams you always wanted to achieve. For women who love the F word, being fabulous, having freedom and financial independence. My dear soul rich woman, sending you my love and I'll speak to you soon. Bye for now.